These are dull days, no sun to look up at, no rain to ponder on, no chill so that you might allow yourself to be hugged by yourslef tightly, let that strange feeling of warmth calm you down. There's a lot to what i'm studying, there's a lot if you think of it that way. But then again, there really is nothing in it. I can loose myself in the dynamics of the natural phenomena that i'm studying, they call it a science, but it really is just another escape. It's a fantasy, the whole of it, a beautiful make believe world which people have carefully built up over the years. We all live in that fantasy.
It all really is an escape for me. I like escaping, that's the cold truth. And i like escaping from that cold truth.
About thirty six-hours ago, i watched 'Double Indemnity'. I took pleasure in watching it, an immensely crooked guilty pleasure. People have done the same over the years. I was chilled by Barbara Stanwyck's first appearance, she was loosely covered in a bath-robe, looking down at the man downstairs the same way a teacher looks at a student when they pose an unexpected question. Something would shine in her eyes throughout the movie, and yet we shall forever be perplexed by what those eyes really held in them.
That was another glorious escape for me.
I've been hearing stories lately. There was one about a guy who walked into a resturant by the Maine and treated himself to a sumptous feast. It turns out that he didn't have a penny on him at all. The resturant manager was swelling in fury, threatning court, when the man blurted out those silly words which won the day. He had been having oysters for lunch. Now, the thing is, by the side of the Maine, they simply grab the oysters alive in their fishing nets. Back home, we've all seen the dynamics of animal slaughter. By the side of the Maine, they're techniques for such murder are infinitely cooler. They just spike the oysters with fresh lemon, and all life is sucked out in an instant, a second and a few drops of lemon juice and you're gone.
But i'm digressing. This man, he had these oysters for lunch. And when the manager asks him for an explanation, he retorts with a smile and says, 'I had so many oysters, i'd simply hoped that i'd find a pearl in one of them. I'd hoped to have payed my bills with that one pearl.'
We shall all search for that pearl. I'm sure we will.
Somehow, just somehow, you remind me of Kerouac had he been Salinger. I think you'll know what I mean.
ReplyDeleteThe point on fantasy you make is validated even more thoroughly when you consider the school of thought that you exist because you think you do.Especially now, when reality changes every moment. When its momentary.
Shine on.
we kill a thousand oysters for one pearl..we never find the pearl ad we are a thousand oysters down. Yet we bring ourselves to slaughter the next one, is it optimism or is it cruelty?
ReplyDeleteThe days are indeed dull. No spark in the sun, no rain, no hard cold chill. Even the spring air is gone. Even the weather is dead.
Nice blog. missed it.
I read up to "loose" and fell off my chair.
ReplyDelete@ravis: wow. it must have been very funny then.
ReplyDelete